Mon and Tues

November 10, 2009

Well darn I missed posting a day!

Monday we found my appt is next week for cardiology. It is nerve wreaking waiting another week.

Today I talked to Bethany. Hi Bethany!!

I drove 80 miles today…nutty and I wonder why by the weekend I so do not care who drives where to something. As I have told Jo if you want to drive go right ahead.

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Sunday

November 8, 2009

It’s Sunday people and how many of us are so not ready for the new week?! I know I am not. It’s been a fast weekend for sure and onward and upward we go.

Tomorrow I go give more blood. Yippee not….I hate needles…at least I don’t have to fast. I also have my weekly appt for the big D. This should be really interesting because I thought I was stressed last week…sigh.

 

We need a break

November 7, 2009

W is sick with bronchitis and sinus infection which is making her extremly grumpy. I am not feeling so hot either and kids are coughing too. I need a calgon moment.

Took the kids to watch the sun set it was cool. I am up and down with my own news and waiting is nuts, Off to bed.

8 vials today..

November 6, 2009

Geez to run all these tests they needed 8 vials of blood…ack!!! The bad thing is that they called me back and they need more!! So Monday I will go back and give more….not fun!!!

W has bronchitis and is coughing up a storm….should be an interesting night here….

We have a 2 week wait for tests to come back….ugh…

dreaded ekg

November 5, 2009

Um yeah so today was d day as in doctor day. I have not been in along time because truthfully I hate doctors. I have alot of sensitivities and most docs just blow me off.

Anyway the EKG was abnormal enough that I am now going for a echo-cardiogram and stress test to check out what is up. Ain’t life grand?

Nov 4th

November 4, 2009

Nine years ago today started a journey that I never thought was possible. From this date I knew I loved the woman I am with today. Looking back so much has happened and looking so forward to what the future will hold. Times have been tough and things have not worked the way we thought they would right now.

It’s been a crazy time one that has us in the ins and outs of marriage. It is not a piece of cake in fact it’s quite hard. There are times you scratch your head wondering what the heck is going on and other times you wonder why you waited so long.

 

Day 3

November 3, 2009

Not much going on today feel like I am going through the motions at times…the best thing to do is just move.

I got out and went to visit J at school. Crazy times going on…can’t comment to much right now.

We may go to college station to see the kids for Thanksgiving. I think it will be alot of fun to do. The problem? The cost of hotel rooms ugh!

The big “D”

November 2, 2009

Depression has made its fancy appearance AGAIN….I went back to the counselor’s this morning and yup it’s bbaacckkk..sigh

I really thought I was past it but it has this way of sneaking back in.Stress, big changes in life, changes we wanted but we haven’t gotten. It could go on all day….

I am emotionally zapped…as in exhausted…I am supposed to be gentile with myself….much easier said than done. There is not one screaming element from this depression just alot of little things that I finally said fuck it and turned off emotions

I have struggled with this my entire life….as well as anxiety…I want this to be the last time to go back….as much as I like my counselor I would really prefer not to see her much anymore….

NaBloPoMo

November 1, 2009

Well I have decided to do this. I have had such a crazy shitty end to Oct I want to have a better November. I am much of a writer but I really do like to read other blogs so maybe I should do the same here.

It’s a holiday month!! I am so bittersweet with my older kids now in college; happy they are growing up but so sad they are not going to be here for Thanksgiving. It is an everchanging year and I hope they will be here for Christmas. We will see.

For new readers I live in Tx near Corpus Christi, I am married to a woman, if anyone has a problem with that then please leave my blog. I do not need to be saved etc. We have 5 kids that we brought to this marriage; 3 are mine and 2 are my wife’s. The oldest 2 are now in college and we still have 3 at home. I am a Special Education teacher currently staying home. My wife is also in the education field.

I don’t like the new normal

October 19, 2009

No this has nothing to do with my wife and I. Our older young adult children returned home this past weekend for a visit. I loved seeing them. It was awkward as this is Liz’s first trip home since taking her to college. Rob is in his second year so I am more used to him being gone. In and out of our lives, this is the new normal. Trying to squeeze in visiting time before they leave again.

Thanksgiving is next month. Liz is in the band and for the next 4 years she won’t be home for Thanksgiving….the team plays every Thanksgiving….and she is in the band….I don’t like the new normal.

While I don’t like the new normal, this is becoming our normal for the next 16 years  easily before all of our kids graduate from college. Pretty crazy isn’t it? We will have missed holidays after spending so many together. It leaves a hole in my heart. They areadults now but still by babies from 18-20 years ago.

Does this mean the true meaning of the holidays changes? I don’t know honestly….I live for the holidays I love them. Not having the kids home is a dramatic change for me. I have shared them with their dad,after the divorce and now I have outside forces challenging the time as well. I love my kids and letting go is heart wrenching . It is not their job to fill that hole. Can that empty ache be filled? We still have 3, but it is not our entire family anymore…..the new normal is so so life changing….and it will take time to adjust.

Life goes on no matter what. What I decide to do makes a difference. I can choose to wallow in self pity and be depressed and bitchy or accept the changes and enjoy the time we do have and make the most of it. Frankly right now I am doing both.