Venting

It has been forever since I have posted here and most people catch up now through facebook. I am here venting everything that you can’t say out there.I am so angry about so many things I don’t know where to put it all anymore.

I am most angry at religion. I was a firm believer, went to church for many years and never questioned the rules of the churches. When I met Wendy that went by the wayside I tried to go for awhile and it felt hypocritical. I haven’t been in years and the thought of church lately after all that has been going on has left me very bitter and angry and questioning why I believe at all. I have lost my health insurance, my vision insurance, as well as a very mean and vindictive job offer that was prayed about that ended in us being jolted in the fact she did not get the job.

Prayers had gone up for no more job offers please we need some peace to stay here. A job offer comes in to a state where we are legal…..she would teach subjects she likes…..extra money from my canceled insurance policy arrives in our bank account….rave reviews from all references, great interviews…please don’t let this be a cruel joke God we have been trying forever to get out. Excitement builds and wham o a generic email saying she did not get the job WHAT THE FUCK??????????? Yeah I know it’s for the best yada yada…what about the original prayer of no more job offers unless its the real deal? That went unheeded and unheard….it’s not worth the emotional pain anymore…not right now….God has not listened in years….

I am angry I HATE it here….there is nothing to do. For me any class I want to take is not feasible…latex and rubber everywhere. The thought of having to spend more time in a suck ass area where they do nothing but scorn and ridicule for the gay community is enough for me. I hate that.

Yeah this a horrible post and full of whining and pity….I feel angry and abandoned by something I believed in for a very long time…and now I not sure what to believe anymore.

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