Archive for January 2010

We got a curveball…

January 15, 2010

You know the phrase when life throws you a curve ball? Yes it has happened here. My oldest daughter was in a car accident the week of Thanksgiving and her left lower leg was injured…so much so she is home for the Spring semester.It’s a huge adjustment for everyone esp.me since I will be taking her to her physical therapy appts etc. Throw in Nate’s weekly appt and then the monthly kid appts it becomes kind of crazy.

I am also taking 2 grad classes on Tues and Thurs night….so it is going to be crazy. I am wondering when my free time comes in…I love my daughter but I also crave alone time at times…so it’s a challenge. I have mixed feelings so, so,¬†relieved¬†she is alive…and yet at the same time resentful I again have to put my life on hold again for the family. I have a degree in teaching I want to use…yet the needs of the family overrun the time I need to teach. With everything going on Jo and I would have come close to running out of sick days by now. I resent it….I want my time to be a teacher…something I have a passion for.

Jo can’t really help with the running around because by the time she is out of school most things are closed…..I know she wants to help…it’s just not working out. I am also running with some of my own health issues at the moment…some days are I am exhausted and there is nothing I can really do about that right now…more doctors and tests to come in the coming weeks….

I so want to get the hell out of here…..I miss more things to do…I feel if we lived in a bigger gay community that had things to do I would not feel so damn isolated. Community here zilch…opening churches…..not really….it’s a pain…..and I am so tires of being isolated….of not being free….

I am caught in a web I have no control over right now….and it is pissing me off and angry right now….I want peace and calm for a bit…is that to much to ask?

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Tomorrow is…

January 4, 2010

Ultrasound day! I am having one on my liver and spleen….I hate doing all this and still not having any answers..sigh and Jo won’t be there for this one…she needs to save her sick days in case we need them later.

Hard beginnings

January 3, 2010

There are certain people who I know by cyberspace and in real life who are going through very rough times right now. It is very hard to watch others go through such pain but you know eventually they will be okay. It makes you want to reach out and say I have been there and it will get better.

But you also know from experience that when you are in pain emotional or physical it is extremely difficult to see the sun. It is gray and gloomy with specs of light here and there. I feel for my friends right now and know they will get through these rough times….it’s just so hard to watch them suffer so.

New Year and lots looming

January 2, 2010

It is the start of a new year and a new decade. I have lingering doctor appts to go to as well as an ultrasound on Tues on my liver and spleen. I am emotionally and physically exhausted right now. I am battling a horrible head cold right now and I feel like shit.

I am 41 now…ten years older than I was in 2000. So much has happened in this past decade….

I am now a certified teacher!

I now have 2 kids in college.

I went through a marriage, divorce, and happily remarried.

I have lived in Texas over 10 yrs.

I think I am finally in a place that I am happy in daily life.

Things are not always rosy and I cant expect them to be. Jo and I have been through some very hard times on and off. The last couple of months have been extremely stressful at times and the stress will carry over into the new year. We just have so much going on these next couple of weeks it will be stressful for a bit.

Hang on and on we go.

Welcome to 2010

January 1, 2010

Hello new decade! What a fast 10 years that was!