Archive for October 2009

I don’t like the new normal

October 19, 2009

No this has nothing to do with my wife and I. Our older young adult children returned home this past weekend for a visit. I loved seeing them. It was awkward as this is Liz’s first trip home since taking her to college. Rob is in his second year so I am more used to him being gone. In and out of our lives, this is the new normal. Trying to squeeze in visiting time before they leave again.

Thanksgiving is next month. Liz is in the band and for the next 4 years she won’t be home for Thanksgiving….the team plays every Thanksgiving….and she is in the band….I don’t like the new normal.

While I don’t like the new normal, this is becoming our normal for the next 16 years  easily before all of our kids graduate from college. Pretty crazy isn’t it? We will have missed holidays after spending so many together. It leaves a hole in my heart. They areadults now but still by babies from 18-20 years ago.

Does this mean the true meaning of the holidays changes? I don’t know honestly….I live for the holidays I love them. Not having the kids home is a dramatic change for me. I have shared them with their dad,after the divorce and now I have outside forces challenging the time as well. I love my kids and letting go is heart wrenching . It is not their job to fill that hole. Can that empty ache be filled? We still have 3, but it is not our entire family anymore…..the new normal is so so life changing….and it will take time to adjust.

Life goes on no matter what. What I decide to do makes a difference. I can choose to wallow in self pity and be depressed and bitchy or accept the changes and enjoy the time we do have and make the most of it. Frankly right now I am doing both.