Today would have been….

My last day of student teaching. I am having a hard day and I am struggling with the why me syndrome. From day 1 it was not a welcome there. It was good at times, I clicked with some of the students….I feel the worst about that….I left them. The week after spring break was the best I had……and then the week after that was the worst I had ever experienced. I felt I was in the room with Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde most of the time. I was not included in conversations or when I was I never had the right suggestions or ideas. It got to the point that I started getting sick from the stress…and crying every Sunday because I did not want to go back, in my opinion, to hell.

I had to make up days and it would have tacked on another week at least. I was at my wits end and realizing quickly I was heading for a major depression. I have had depression in the past and saw the warning signs. In the mean time my grades from my teacher were failing….and from my professor was going to tank my grade and give me a bad write up for a recommendation. From him  I had A’s and B’s from her F’s….. not even close.

I talked at length with him about the outcomes I could/would have. I knew I had only 5 weeks left but it felt like 50 years. By this point I hated going anyday. My unoffical last day was during testing where I was coughing horribly and the vice-principal sent me home. The cement in stone was the bitching my teacher did when I called to let her know I had Bronchitis….did I realize how many days I had missed….not how are you feeling. That Friday I started the paperwork to take an incomplete….it was hard I cried…Tuesday of the following week I went and visited my counselor and told her I didnt understand why I was always getting screwed every semester I had been in school which is true. I have never had an uneventful semester of school and I have been going since 2000.

I wondered why I had to leave everything has a reason I said…..that night Nate fell off his bike and broke both his bones in his left forearm. He spent 2 nights in the hospital…and has had weekly visits to the doc since then. I would have had to leave anyway giving the time I would have needed to take off to tend to him.

Things work in weird scenarios at times….I want a good fall semester to graduate is that to much to ask?


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