Archive for April 2008

Today would have been….

April 30, 2008

My last day of student teaching. I am having a hard day and I am struggling with the why me syndrome. From day 1 it was not a welcome there. It was good at times, I clicked with some of the students….I feel the worst about that….I left them. The week after spring break was the best I had……and then the week after that was the worst I had ever experienced. I felt I was in the room with Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde most of the time. I was not included in conversations or when I was I never had the right suggestions or ideas. It got to the point that I started getting sick from the stress…and crying every Sunday because I did not want to go back, in my opinion, to hell.

I had to make up days and it would have tacked on another week at least. I was at my wits end and realizing quickly I was heading for a major depression. I have had depression in the past and saw the warning signs. In the mean time my grades from my teacher were failing….and from my professor was going to tank my grade and give me a bad write up for a recommendation. From himĀ  I had A’s and B’s from her F’s….. not even close.

I talked at length with him about the outcomes I could/would have. I knew I had only 5 weeks left but it felt like 50 years. By this point I hated going anyday. My unoffical last day was during testing where I was coughing horribly and the vice-principal sent me home. The cement in stone was the bitching my teacher did when I called to let her know I had Bronchitis….did I realize how many days I had missed….not how are you feeling. That Friday I started the paperwork to take an incomplete….it was hard I cried…Tuesday of the following week I went and visited my counselor and told her I didnt understand why I was always getting screwed every semester I had been in school which is true. I have never had an uneventful semester of school and I have been going since 2000.

I wondered why I had to leave everything has a reason I said…..that night Nate fell off his bike and broke both his bones in his left forearm. He spent 2 nights in the hospital…and has had weekly visits to the doc since then. I would have had to leave anyway giving the time I would have needed to take off to tend to him.

Things work in weird scenarios at times….I want a good fall semester to graduate is that to much to ask?

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Good Riddence…

April 30, 2008

Well April is just about over and I am one to is glad to see it finally go. It has been a long stressful month and I know there are others out there in the blog world who have had a bad month as well. So kick out April and welcome May.

hum…post has been eaten

April 28, 2008

Well I thought I had posted something recently…..well that’s how life has been lately……….NUTS. I am out of student teaching and redo it in the fall………lots of drama to add at some later point…..leads to a wacked out classroom………to a mild case of Bronchitis…….to my son falling and breaking his arm. Now, lots of drama with dear daughter…………sigh I need an emotional vacation.

I am at a crossroads………..not happy about not graduating until Dec now. My son graduates from high school in 5 weeks and then college is right after that………..I’m not ready to be done being a parent to him. My daughter will graduate next year………we go to 3 kids after that from the 6 we have now.

I turn 40 later this year and I am not ready to do so. I wanted to be done with my undergrad degree before that………not going to happen…..and I am flipping bummed I can’t stand it. I wanted to be out before mine started college. It’s been an 8 year journey and I am tired….but I need to keep going…….I saw the ray of sunshine the beginning of the semester……..all I see now is fog.